I am so fat I just want to jump out of the window.

I just had buffet steamboat.

Maybe I should jump out of the window.

HOW DID I GET SO FAT?!?!??!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!!??!?!?!?!?!??!??!???!??!!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?

I hate my stomach. It makes me feel miserable when it wants food. Which makes me eat. Then I’ll get fat and cant fit in my clothes. Then I’ll have to spend a fortune to get some new clothes. Then at the end of the months, my mum will give me some lectures on the credit card bills.

The cycle repeats and I’ll eventually get disowned by my mum and die young, fat and miserable.

Oh. How I hate my stomach.

And this is only 2 yrs back

*click on it to enlarge*

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Okay. I lied. That picture is photoshopped. But hey. I am going to look like that in no time, considering my eating habit for now. Someone put a bullet in my head.

*excuse my poor photoshopping skill*

Its just not me to live healthily! Shyt. I gained at least 2kgs for living healthily. How can that happen??

- i stopped eating junk food.
- i eat healthily; eating on time, less oily food, fruits, cereals, juices, milk etc.
- i sleep at normal time; sleep before midnight and wake up early in the morning.
- i go to gym(exercise)
- NO more supper

I feel like crying. How can I ever gain weight for what I have done? HOW CAN?!?!?! Yes, 2kg is a lot cause I can barely fit into my jeans now and 2kgs is just a begining.

However, I screwed this healthy-living thingy by taking a long nap just now. I dont know what to do now? Shall I go back to the vampire life I used to live? But I have to admit that my skin condition got better after living healthily. Good skin vs extra fat. I’m in dilemma. I want to cry.

Anyway, keep the comment coming for the entry before this please! =)

I often wonder what would I do if I gain 10kgs of weight in a very short period. I’ld probably jump out of the window from 10th floor. I am not thin now but gaining 10kgs will make me weight 57kgs.

I would have to face the fear of not being able to fit into any of my clothes, not being able to wear really skimpy outfit(when i have the mood), will have to watch what I eat and etc! My stomach would be so big that I wont be able to see my toes!

My self confidence is almost hitting the floor now. If I gained 10kgs of extra weight, I wont get out of the house no more. I wont be able to face people. They’ll go “wah…u gained weight!”, “did i get thinner or did u gain weight?” etc etc. How can one stand such cruel statements?

I often complaint that I am fat. But after seeing some of my friends’(whom have gained lots of weight) recent pictures, I felt guilty for complaining. Althought I am not exactly slim, I should be thankful that I am not overweight.

But if I continue to eat they way I eat now, I am sure I’ll be like them soon. I start to get hungry 2 hrs after my meal. Then I’ll munch non stop on junk food(if i have any near me) until the next meal. Someone stop me from eating >.<