I am really supposed to be either sleeping or working on my assignment. But I was depress a while back and I couldnt do any of the two. So I sang. In videos.

Josh Groban - Vincent(Starry starry night)

Christine Glass - My love will get you home

Jay Chou - ??? (I’m not worthy)

Certain parts I didnt pronounce properly so urm… try not to notice. Hehe. I didnt know why I kept moving as well so dont ask me. And yes, I couldnt sing out loud cause it was 5 in the morning. I scare my new Kenya housemate angry!

xoxo

I dunno. I am not in a good mood. But I am angry. I think I am depressssssssssssssss. I swear a lot nowadays. Like… wtf? Sorry.

I am not having pms. I have no more assignment to be completed. I am going home in less than 3 weeks. I dunno whats freaking wrong with meeeeeeeeeeeeee. fck.

I’ld zone out in the midst of something and when my drifts back to real life, I’ld be damn pissed and hot tempered. Whats wrong with me?

Anyway, attended the flats’ farewell dinner. Was pretty tasty and fun but too short. fck lah. Sorry arh. Not really in the mood to describe the evening due to this stupid body ache I am suffering from.

I guess I’ll let the pictures do the talking.

And no. My boyfriend didnt see much difference in my fringe.

Ta.

…. I dont know what to wish for….

Yesterday was our “last” date before I fly off. He told me that we were going to somewhere but he was not going to tell me. It turned out to be Bukit tinggi. It was day. Sunny but windy. It was a nice place too. I especially like the Japanese garden. Very relaxing. We proceeded to take pictures while “paktok-ing”. Then we got home, each showered, and fell asleep while snuggling. It was a wonderful day. Pictures will be at the end of this entry.

Today was a happy day too. The Guy and I and Carol went off for lunch, a rather luxurious one, and we all had a good time. Walked around the mall for a bit before we went home and fell asleep while snuggling again. Mum’s called woke us up and we went off to Mid Valley after freshen up. While waited for mum and bro to reach, we did something mischievous but that might be another entry. Then we all went to have another luxurious meal. Went back to The Guy’s place and continued snuggling until he fell asleep then I went to watch tv. Here I am not, at home, typing away.

Tomorrow will be a sad day. I have been dreading this day for so long. It has eventually arrived. All I hope now is to not cry at the airport. I really wont want to cry there. And also hope that they wont charge me for the 5kgs excessed luggage weight.

*sigh*

I still dont want to go.

Anyways. Here are the pictures :

See you.

I got my air ticket today.

I hesitated before paying. But there wasnt anything I could do.

Paid for it and left. The journey back home was quiet. My ears and my eyes were not listening. My mind was quite blank. My heart was getting lighter by the moment. I just didnt want to go. I wish I could turn back time. How I wish…

I DONT WANT TO GO

I just did not feel like blogging for the past few days. If I did, the entry will only be filled with how badly I do not want to go Aussie. I hate it. Really. But I think I should stop hating it and try to accept it by now. Do not want to have home sick attacks because I know I will hide in the bed and cry my eyes out all the time if that happens

I will update this entry later. Dont feel like blogging right now *sobs*

*update*

I am so hungry. Suddenly craving some “yuu tan”(fishball) from this certain restaurant. It was so good

I am suffering from mysterious backache too. It is mysterious because I have no idea how I got it and it really painful when I position my shoulders certain ways. I cant pick things up from the floor with my left hand while sitting down, too. So cham!

I know this is a whiny entry. Probably will have more in the future but well, bear with me can arh?

Okay. Dont feel like blogging anymore for now. *bawls*

*update again*

I was sobbing to myself after reading about someone leaving the country and the family, friends and the boyfriend was sending her off. All the tears! I dont want to cry at the airport Can or not?

I am begining to hate myself for choosing a major that isnt offered in M’sia. I have to remind myself constantly that its 4-5 months before I come back here. It may seems short, but its like decades. I really dont want to leave.

I hate this. Screw it.

Ops. Did I not update for 6 days already?

Well, not like I have anything to blog about. Mind has been kinda blur. I think its due to me dreading for time to pass to quickly. I give you one picture to look at, kay?

Thats me with my mind wandered off. *sigh*

But tomorrow will be a happifying day :DTa.

I havent been feeling depress or emotional for a long time. I think it was since I met The Guy. Not many people know how screwed up I was. In fact, nobody knows how bad it was. Or it is. I mean, I am really happy right now but I cant but wonder if this is really me. The Guy makes me happy. Hence I am happy. But when he is not around, am I still gonna be happy? Or am I gonna be like how I used to be?

I have been feeling rather depress for the past few days. With assignments due and finals around the corner, having to prepare for my departure set the bomb off. I really dont want to leave. I guess nobody knows how it feels like no matter how many times I say “I dont want to go”.

I really dont want to go.

Sometimes I think I am the cause of every problem. If I dont exist, all this problems would not exist too. I hate myself. I hate evrything.

I feel so ugly inside-out.

I dont understand why are you doing all this to me. I am not your only child. Why are you being so unfair to me?

All those materials you provide me is never going to fill up the hole you have been digging in my heart. Never.

You can live with your son for the rest of your life for you just lost your daughter.

I have had enough. I want out. One more push from you and I will be out of your life forever.

Goodbye, mum.