Today, I asked myself one question.

“What am I doing?”

My answer to myself was, I dont know. I dont know why am I here when I dont really want to be here. Must I do this to get what I want? I am not sure.

I confuse myself too often. One minute I’ld be so damn ambitious, planning my career path and the next, I’ld be damn ambitious in another way, to pursuit my happiness. I am not sure if i would be happy by achieving my career goals but there is one thing that I am pretty sure.

I am happy when I am with Him with or without my degree. With or without my career.

However, reality is always cruel.

I am bounded to complete my degree, I am bounded to have my own career. Hold on. Who says that to have a career one must holds a degree/diploma/equal qualification? Thats another question.

Basically, I just hate not being able to do what I want to do when I am actually bounded by my own fear of how my decisions could affect others.

Maybe I should stop living for others and start getting a life of my own. I guess that will not happen until I am able to actually do what I want to do.

Anyway, sometime ago I wanted to post this video in by blog but I kept forgetting about it. Its a speech made my Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, at Stanford University. It is very, very inspiring. In fact, he is the greatest comeback in the business field. Simply click on the play button and listen to some of his stories.

Ta.

I am supposed to be sleeping now but someone go and sms me just now and woke me up. Quite unhappy now =\

Anyway!

I started 2 side projects(blogs) sometime ago and I urm.. sort of abandoned them sometime ago too…

Recently I have been so bored here so I am thinking to revive one of them and actually make it more active such as linking it here etc. But its for girls only though. Unless you’re a guy that fancies make up. Well, you can tell you girlfriend to go there and support a bit Hehehe.

Please support me! Or I might abandon it again

Thank you arh!

Ta!

oh. Welcome to the CosmeticWorld

Its my birthday today

And I have to do assignment cause due today D:

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very sien very sien very sien very sien very sien very sien very sien very sien!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do I have to do this stupid assignmennnttttt…. how am I supposed to know why the Minister of Immigration and Citizenship of Aus made a new policy for would-be immigrants???

I am not him how I am supposed to know which perspectives he came from leh????

Well, actually I know. I just cannot decided between political, rational, cultural or psychological. i just want to whine. :((((

Have been missing my baby a lot these days. Cant I just hug my baby to sleep like what we did during my previous birthday? :(((

*uuwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa* D=

I want my baby *sniffs*

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One birthday picture!

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So I went to sleep at 8am and woke up at 12.30pm to continue working on my assignment. At 3 something, I decided to go out and but some printer ink cause mine was the habis. Before I left the flat, I got a call from the office saying I have a parcel. I was thinking, “Great! The clothes I asked my baby to send to me is finally here!” and I happily skipped to the office.

Upon entering, the lady straight away point to the counter. I was trying to locate some pos laju sign when the lady pointed at a pot of flower. I was confused for a while before it hit me.

MY BABY SENT ME FLOWERS!!!

I was so happy I couldnt stop smiling! It was such a pleasant surprise… didnt know my baby so romantic one… Hehehehehehehhe… I am stillvery happy.. bleh. The lady kept saying that I was very lucky. I know! Then attached to the pot of flower was a box of chocolate… *mwahs*

After getting drunk with the overflowing happiness, it was time to get back to reality and finish my assignment off because it was due at 5pm. Managed to finish in time and handed it in on the dot. Hehehhee…

Then everyone else in the house saw the flower and asked who sent them… then I said my boyfriend…. and they all went “aawwww… thats so sweett!!” I knowww!!

Hehehehheehehehehehehe

After dinner, I retreated to my room to rest for a bit. Then one of them came and told me someone was on the phone looking for me…

Then.. theeennnnn…

The room was dimly lit by the two big candles shaped in the form of no. 2 (I am old. omg) and they started to sing me a birthday song :((((((

I didnt expect them to do that *sniffss*

After making a wish and cutting the cake, they presented me a dream journal and a bar of chocolate. Got presents sumore :(((((( *sniffs*

Hehehe. Thats about it. Lalala.

Pictures!

Alex and Bhavna

Sally, Linzzie and Jessie

6 of us. 2 missinggg

To illustrate the size, I placed a lollipop at the lower part of the pot for comparison.

Still very happpyyyyy. Hehehehe.

TaaaAaAaAaAaAAaAaAaAaaaAaaa~~~!

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INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:

1) Wondering As I Wander
2) As Suanie Sees It
3) Fireangelism
4) KYspeaks
5) Voices in Me

Select five people to tag:
1) JustAnotherTragedy
2) Vsset
3) I dont know who to tag anymore
4) Cause ppl I usually tag wont do the meme, so its pointless.
5) Wanted to tag ppl I read whom dont read me but I dont dare. *sigh*

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Was probably whining with my Dad to throw me a big birthday party, which he did. *reminder : my birthday is in 5 days!*

What were you doing 1 year ago?
I was going to do this meme yesterday but postponed to today because I only blogged on 15th Aug last year and it was about my car dying on LDP which caused big jam.

Five snacks you enjoy
Urm…

1) New discovery; Pods with Snickers (googled it and the picture is actually from PinkPau’s blog)
2) The fabulous sandwich I make
3) Chips
4) Mars bar
5) Chocs from many brands (I know its fattening… but I cant help, really)

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to
1) ?????
2) The chicken rice shop song
3) Twinkle twinkle little star
4) Bla Bla Black sheep
5) We wish you a merry christmas

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire
I’ld invest them first and do more than 5 things with the money I’ld earn from the investment(if I dont make a loss -_-)

Five bad habits
1) Eat after sleep
2) Sleep after eat
3) Merajuk
4) Merajuk sumore
5) Then merajuk sumore (3, 4 and 5 happen one after another at the same period of time)

Five things you like doing
1) Be with my Baby
2) Snuggle with my Baby
3) Merajuk with my Baby
4) Discuss about factors which caused me to merajuk with my Baby ( then no. 4 and 5 from bad habits section will take place)
5) Cooking! Its so satisfying.

Five things you would never wear again
1) Cheap bras.
2) Lousy panties.
3) Super low-waist jeans.
4) Super tight super low-waist jeans.
5) Super high waist pants.

Five favourite toys
1) my camera
2) my laptop
3) my phone
4) my make up
5) my utensils

Thats it. Its boring, I know but I am boring =\

Ta.

Today was a lousy day.

I was trying to sleep just now hugging Mr. Teddy… but Mr. Teddy was too tiny and I could not help but thought of Him… I want to be able to snuggle with Him right now… but that is not possible… So I told myself that time flies and I would be in His embrace again in no time… Then I picture He fetching me from KLIA… Would I run into his open arms? Or would I approach Him slowly followed by a tight but gentle hug?

*sigh*

All those made me more sad only. I really miss Him. With Him, even a bad day is better than a good day I spend without Him.

I guess its times like this which make one realizes how much one wants to spend the rest of one’s live with someone else or not.

Well, it made me realized just how important somethings are and how insignificant somethings can be. Not like I didnt want this before, but being apart confirms that I really, really would like his companion for the rest of my life.

He is one of a kind.

In love,

A “cut” girl.

…. I dont know what to wish for….

Right now, I am lost for words. There is this heart warming feeling that I am feeling now which I cannot put in words.

I think I am slowly losing the ability to express myself with words. Looking at the entries in this blog, I feel as if I am losing the touch by each entry. I loved my Xanga blog because I think I wrote better there but I deleted it a few days ago for it was filled with many sad entries. Looking back, I think it might be a mistake to do that. Now, the root to my ability to play around with words had been chopped off.

I feel a little lost for not being to reminisce, not being able to admire or even refer to them anymore.

More wordy entries would be posted here as I see a need to regain the touch. I need to express myself with words. I need those vocabs back in me. It is important to me.

The day I am not able to express myself in any form, is the day my heart dies.

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I can be really shallow sometimes. I dare not say that everyone could be too but I am pretty sure I am not the only one.

Sometimes I let materials take over my mind. At the end of the day, I’ld look back and think. Then I would blame myself for that because materials are only materials afterall. Like I have said before, they only bring short-term happiness. Okay. I sometimes still let that happen, but thats not the point. Lalalalala…

Then I sometimes get carried away by my irrational mind and forget to put myself in other people’s shoes. After spurting hurtful words, I would later regret and blame myself for being inconsiderate. Being considerate is one of the most important facet through my eyes because by being inconsiderate, one can hurt the feelings of one’s loved ones. That is the last thing I would want to do.

I used to enjoy fame and popularity(which had long dimmed exceptionally). That, in my opinion, is a worse habit compared to being obsessed with materials. It was when gossips fill the sky and critics overflow the sea(not from me lah). Fortunately, I havent done anything that I should be shameful of.

I have deeply felt that by being popular or possessing many sought after materials or hurt the person whom have hurt(with words only, such as scolding or being sarcastic) me in return, does make me happy(yea I was happy for a moment when I bought my branded bags but no, I dont feel it now). Whats really happy is simply just be happy. Sounds like bullcrap and you probably wont understand it right now but when you experience it, you will go “oohh…so thats how it feels…”

I guess we should all just be thankful and see things for a happier angle. That is one of the things The Guy had make me see. I am sorry for all the mocking, baby but I have to say it one more time. He and I might be apart now and I could be sad and grumpy and all but we should be thankful that we are both healthy and safe to be able to spend time with each other(virtually for now…)

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I know there are a lot of contradictions in the second part of this entry. But thats life, isnt it?

Okay. I strayed alot in this entry. Do excuse me. Aiyer. Now I feel like I wrote a lot of crap. :((( Dont care. Still gonna post it. Bleh.

Ta.

Just when I was really semangat to camwhore, my batteries had to died on me after what…. the 10th picture was taken? So angrifying. I moved a lot of things and arranged a lot of things to take these pictures I even pulled some nerve in my left shoulder for one pose why like that I just charged them two weeks ago whyyyy :((((((

I dont care! I will attempt again tomorrow with fresh batts.

Heres how my room looked like when I was moving things around :

And here are the better(in terms of lighting and pose and compo; in my opinion lah) photos :

More tomorrow, I hope.

Ta!