Some thoughts, some feeling.

Sometimes I dont know what to do when I feel lost. Its rather amusing that at that point, someone actually asked me what he/she should do because he/she is feeling lost.

I get tired emotionally so easily these days. I think I focus too much on things. But if I dont focus on them, I wont want to do them at all. I am very stubborn and thats slowly spliting me up from within.

Or maybe I should just get a life and stop living in other people’s and let other people live in mine instead. Maybe that can make me feel slightly better and slightly more worthy because I sometimes feel lower that those dirt we step on.

Since the day he left, I asked my self over a thousand times why didnt he take me. I tell myself over and over again that I belong here and here is where I can find happiness again. But everytime I try to do that, I fall harder. Which makes me ask, why didnt he take me with him, again. Because I was happiest with him.

I really do want to stay away from that thought. But people around me are not letting me.

I am officially the black sheep of the family. Just because I do not show how sad and how much affected I am doesnt mean that I am not, mom. I know that you have been very generous to us, fulfilling out every wish, but those can never fill up the emptiness in my heart.

I have been trying to be someone whom I am not recently. I am begining to doubt if that is a good thing. It does make people around me feel better, I guess. But Its slowly acting up on me. I am not as strong as I might seem to be. But even my own mom assumed that I am a mighty superwoman whom can take in the worst. I guess I am only to blame for putting up a wrong image for everyone. I think I am better of alone.

I think I am cursed. Cursed to have sad birthday every year. 4 days to turning 21. Its supposed to be something exciting. But all I feel now is sadness.