I always think of my father when I feel unhappy or low because I was happiest when he was still around. I would imagine all the things we could have done together if he didnt die. Such thoughts always bring tears to my eyes.

People dont understand why I cant let go of his death because they can never understand how it felt. I was reading Mitch Albom’s Tuesdays with Morrie about 2 months ago and I cried when he said he had never let go of his mum’s death for decades, even till the day he died. I guess that is how I will end up like.

My father, the greatest man in my life. My father, my hero. You will always be with me. I love you.

It has been long since I last wrote anything emotional. It is coming back. Just feeling moody and depress, like how I used to feel everyday.

Each day, I discover a fraction of how ugly a human being can be; through myself, through my friends, through strangers. The ugly things I did, the ugly things my friends did, the ugly things strangers did. They digust me.

Good things or bad things, it takes one to know one. So whatever good or bad comments we make on others, others might actually find them in us too. I dont care what others think, you might say, but I do care. I am not sure if I am putting myself into a difficult situation but I care because those people are closest to me and what they think of me is important to me.

I am always cautious with what comes out of my mouth and the consequences my actions may lead to. I always put myself into their shoes so I can know better what to do and what not to. However, I am often taken for granted. I am tagged as “easy/nice to bully” by people around me. Just joking, they explained without realizing its just an excuse they use to ease their guilt.

I tolerate a lot and that makes them think that I was borned with no temper. When I do lose my temper once in a while, I will be categorised as petty. Does that mean that they are fine me with losing my temper frequently? *shrugs*

I like to pamper my friends with gifts and buying them meals occasionally to show how much they mean to me. But I stopped doing it because they thought my family prints bank notes and started to take advantage of me(if I stopped being generous to you, you know what that means).

I dont ask for anything in return but a little sign of appreciation will definitely make my day. Afterall, I am only human; made of flesh and blood with a soul. Not sure if its a good one, but definitely not a bad one.

p/s : Do you say thank you to your family/friend when they do something minor like passing you the remote control?